Like them Poptarts, huh? Think they are authentic enough to pass for hardtack? The grab your camo pants and head for the parking lot. 

There is one word for your type!

FARB

You are a FARB (Farbus obnoxious). For you "fresh fish" who may still be virginal or unsullied by the temptations of compromise, a farb is the next to lowest form of reenactor. Only the Bubba (Bubba-redneckus) is possibly lower. A FARB not only looks ridiculous, but is an embarrassment. 

Ok face it. You think polyester was cool and still is. Take a hike and find a farb unit that thinks like yourself. 

If, however you want one more chance, chose wisely from the list below.

Is it a Quick Exit

 or

Salvation?

The Quick and Wussey way out - I hate stitch counters! I am out of here!

Path to Redemption - Forgive me. I am the lowest of the low and want to take the test again. I want to be saved!

Hint: Pick the hardtack this time...Pard