Self-injury and Depression
I wasn't quite sure at first if I should include this section or not, as this isn't exactly an easy subject to talk about. I decided that sharing my story may be beneficial to someone, and that makes it pretty much worth it. So, here goes...
I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. I never really had much reason to be, I have a wonderful, loving family and the makings of a great childhood. I've just never been completely happy. I have weight issues which contribute...people picked on me a lot, which greatly affected my self-confidence. When I was about 10 or so I started rubbing the skin off of the side of my face and my hands. It gave me something I felt I needed. This went on for a couple of years, nothing more serious than scratching my arms, legs and face.
Then, when I was about 14 or so the scratching no longer gave me the same feeling. One day I used an X-acto knife and cut myself. It hurt obviously, but made me feel better, lifted some of the pressure and hopelessness I felt most of the time. It soon became an obsession. Sometimes I wouldn't even remember doing it. I cut, burned and scratched myself almost every day.
People around me were aware of what I was doing and tried to be helpful, but most people just didn't know what to do or say if they noticed. It's something most people just cannot understand unless they have experienced something similar.
One day, I cut my arm pretty badly. I decided I had to do something and get some help. I went and told my father what I had been doing. He reacted calmly, which is something I was very grateful for. My parents and I talked about it and decided I should go into therapy. I started seeing a doctor who prescribed different levels of medication to try and bring my depression under control. I tried a lot of different combinations and eventually settled on Zoloft and Risperdol, which seemed to help. I still cut, some even required stitches, but overall I felt a little better.
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